Parody Chapter 3 Sandworms of Dune

Why is religion important? Because logic alone does not compel a person to spend their money. Given sufficient fervor, however, fans will buy anything and consider themselves blessed for doing so.

-Missionaria Dianectica.

Two mail room workers appeared at the door of the coldly ostentatious publishers meeting room during a tense conference. They hauled a large potrait set in a heavy wooden frame.
"You asked for this to be delivered here."
Startled out of their discussions and arguments, the executives stared at the big portrait.
The top executive gestured to the haggered-looking workers.
"Bring that inside where we can see it every time we talk about the franchise. It will do us good to be reminded of our goal."
The men sweated as they wrestled the portrait into the room. One of the authors strode to the immense portrait and stared with envy.
"How should we proceed with the new franchise?" The question came from one of the older executives in accounting. "What are our options?"
The hulking portrait seemed to stare down at them from the corner of the room, where the men had left it.
"We have the notes. Especially the outline."
"The notes are of no use to us!" someone said. "The fans believed Dune ended with the author decades ago."
"It's not necessary for us to use the original story, specifically. Simply write something that resembles the original and apply any necessary makeovers and modifications." the marketing executive tapped fingers against his lips. "Yes, we shall begin with twelve more titles. Distribute them to every available book rack, so the next younger generation will be our most impressionable recruits--a new canon."
The editor spoke in an eminently reasonable voice. "Textual anaylsis will prove that these impostors aren't really Dune. Your plan will backfire once people see we have tried to trick them.
"Marketing had already thought of the obvious solution. "We can have our marketing experts-spin doctors-launch a publicity blitz...and lie for us."
"Also, don't underestimate the advantage we have." He held out his hand like a mendicant asking for alms. "The fans want to believe."
The others present seemed to like the idea. He scowled down at the reports as if trying to find more profound answers written in dense numbers and flow charts.
"We will start with twelve new titles, twice as many as the original series written with extravagant amounts of repetitions and pages. The Missionaria Copia. Overwhelm them with shere bulk. We will also say that the original author told you in a dream that the books must flow again. Though Dune had ended long ago, new Dunes will appear again. He will promise them this."
One of the authors sounded bored. "Explain how this will benefit us."
The marketing executive shot him a calculated smile. "Have you been listening. You can listen can't you? We take advantage of the fans guillibility. We tailor everything to what they want to hear. The thinking fans are the great evil we have to defeat before we can completely be accepted and reap the rewards of our efforts."
Turning to the interns, "Read everything that you can find about the Butlerian Jihad. The same for the rest. We can even say that the Tyrant in the fourth book in reality set up the background for our version. Study the original writings and take sections out of context to support our view, so the fans will be convinced that this final version has been planned all along. If they believe about the notes, they'll continue to lay money down for the books after any rational thought should be dashed."
He motioned for everybody to go about their tasks.
"In the meantime, I have set up a meeting the printers. We're going to need every scrap of paper they can muster."As he was leaving, one of the other executives asked, "And what if the New York Times gives a bad review?"
"Then our efforts are still justified. Any publicity is good publicity. And we still publish. It's all we can do."
Facing the old portrait, the other author spoke to it as if the portrait could hear him. "And that's how I will break your Guinness World Record."

Footnotes:
1)Best enjoyed if you have read or listened to the audio of the original text.
2)Copia is latin for abundance. Also, the historical Erasmus rewrote the same sentence 200 different ways to demonstrate a principal of copia.
3)The identity of the person in the portrait is in the text...
4)Sandworms of Dune or SOD as in sod off, sod it, or poor old bloody sod.